Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
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She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
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I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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