You're so nebulous sometimes
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
