I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You're a waste of cheezeits
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
