i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
