Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
