I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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