Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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