Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize