I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
