life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
