My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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