My sheets look like a crime scene.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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