oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
