wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
