If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
