It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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