Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
