Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
