Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
