So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
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Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
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Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
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