we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
