She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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