I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
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