To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
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Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
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I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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