I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
