Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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