I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
