peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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