I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
