Joe is yelling at the trees again.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
