How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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