My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
