That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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