I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
