Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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