Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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