my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
this boner is exhausting
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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