Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
