If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
