Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
