Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
