i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
