Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
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