last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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