I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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