so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
