he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
