Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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