I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
