you would pick up someone in the library
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
