so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
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It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
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What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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