My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
