did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm getting married
To pizza
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
