I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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