Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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