you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
