My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I came so hard my ears popped.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
