I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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