pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
