I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
