my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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