he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
