Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
