Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
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he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
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I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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