she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
