your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
