i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
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He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
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Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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