sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Randomize
