I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
