Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
