just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
