But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
