Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
