let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
