why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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