you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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