i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
