The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
