Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
